Woke this morning feeling a bit down, sadness lingering after saying goodbye to my Emergent colleagues on Friday. Everyone was so nice, and I want them to do well. Speaking of nice though, our celebration dinner at Logan Friday night was a triumph and Andi organized a perfect 70th birthday dinner for Ron last night. The room upstairs at Aventura was a perfect setting for great food and conversation. Ron said earlier in the week that his fondest wish (just ahead of wanting Donald Trump removed from office) was that all his kids grow to be happy and healthy, and he must’ve been pleased to have seen it come true (he had to pause to consider his birthday wish before blowing out his candles).

I’m on a plane to Newark right now, about to start my new job tomorrow. On “Conan O’Brian Needs a Friend” yesterday, Paul Rudd recalled Picasso having said “everyone should change careers when they turn 50.” This feels like a new career, and I’m nervous about being able to learn all there is to know. But the second-guessing is over and I’m confident Andi and I are going to meet this challenge together. In the car in the way to the airport, the hugeness of the moment had me say this drive is the start of our eventual return to Ann Arbor. Then Andi put on Bright Eyes’ “First Day of My Life.” “But now I don’t care, I can go anywhere with you and probably be happy.”

I will miss the life we’ve led in 7.5 years with Emergent, all the times in the kitchen(s), the conversations and hanging out with the kids, the get-togethers with friends, the walks in the woods. And I’m also hopeful the next chapter will also provide more happy memories to look back on as we build a new life in unfamiliar territory.

Started my last morning in Gaithersburg with a run on my familiar route, 5k that took me around the Emergent HQ building where I’ve spent so many hours. I cut the music and just said “thank you Emergent” over and over out loud as I circled the building. After a bunch of meetings and goodbyes, it was (past) time to get in the car for a final drive to the airport. There, I filled the rental car with gas instead of checking my suitcase which cost me the bottle of gin John and the team gave me at my farewell dinner last night. I can’t say I’ll miss the loneliness of staying in the hotel in Gaithersburg, but I’ll miss the people I worked with there very much. As Caroline Hanover said, it’s just goodbye for now.

Woke up instead to a nightmare in which Caitlin Rose was showing David Bell, Rob Van Wert and myself around her Nashville neighborhood, pointing out the destruction caused by condo developers. She took us on a short walk to a nearby farm which had fallen into the hands of one of the developers and following her, we entered a barn and ascended steep tiled stairs into what looked like a cool loft space, leather sofa, lamp… except David and Caitlin weren’t there. They had been in front of us moments earlier! I started to get frantic, calling their names (Caitlin becoming Natalie), looking behind curtains, and realizing this place is some kind fucked up scary haunted shit, Rob and I started back down the stairs. At the bottom was an empty 5-gallon bucket, and sure enough, it started to slide across the floor on its own. I threw a glass bottle and it bounced off the invisible thing that was pushing the bucket right before I felt myself getting picked up and shaken. I woke up shaking.

It was 5:20 and quiet this morning as I paused outside the open garage door to give thanks for all I have (a ritual developed in the years driving to Lansing). It’s a prayer of sorts, palms together under my chin, eyes skyward. Standing there, I heard an owl hooting to my left, from a nearby backyard. That was surprising enough, a first, but then I heard another owl answer from Miller Woods. I’ll take it as a good omen as I fly out today on my last trip to Gaithersburg.

I made up for missing yesterday’s 10k by running 10k on my own at a 9:03/mi pace. It was a relief to know that was still possible. Then Natalie and I went to Alanon on Maple, where we picked out a Christmas tree together for the third or fourth year in a row. When I paid for it, I instinctively told the cashier we’d see her again next year, but my face fell when I realized it wasn’t true. We got the tree home and quickly set it up as Christmas carols spun on the record player, then went out in search of ornaments to replace the ones that been lost gradually in the years since the homemade silver garland tree we used to have on Revena. We came home and had a perfect dinner of leftovers, talking about family and family traditions. I hope there can still be a sense of those when we live out East.

The song in my head when I woke up on the couch (for the second night in a row). The frequency and severity of negative self-talk is strongly correlated to the number of drinks consumed. But all the drinking was among friends at least when Dan and Laura came over to watch football with Josh and his Laura. Ruben sandwiches, a collective think about the legitimacy of our Manhattan apartment, and lots of laughter. We ended the night at Slurping Turtle, barely hanging on to stay awake after coming home for a nightcap. So this morning, rather than run the 10k we’d signed up for, we laid in bed, cold and cloudy outside.

Again. After a day where: the dogs got walked while dad and son talked, the exterior lights got hung with Josh, the Tuscan white bean soup got made while son and Josh baked, and The Irishman got watched as the sleep set in.

As heard in the car on the way to Thanksgiving yesterday, Natalie at the wheel of the Tesla, with a brief interruption by Cannibal Corpse. Dinner was good and lively as usual, this year featuring me as the glass-of-wine-spiller (while holding Josie), while around the table piled with pies and good-natured ribbings, Eddie cried in the background and Graham stopped by to let us know he reads sports books.

Yesterday, the day before Thanksgiving, took in an appointment with our financial advisor, a lunch at El Harrisa with David, an appointment about my self-image at a place that offered to help superficially with it, home to study and reflect followed by an evening hanging out with David, walking in Miller Woods, getting Mancino’s, and watching episodes of Your Pretty Face Will Burn in Hell. The conversations with David were contemplative, on life, career, vocation, and what brings happiness. It’s so good to see him on a journey where he takes all of those things seriously and with grace. Today was more of the same goodness: our new Natalie-inspired tradition of Thanksgiving breakfast at Holidays and a long walk with the puppies on the wooded five mile loop that begins outside our front door while Andi makes vegan dishes to take to the Gorgas this evening. So much to be so incredibly thankful for.

My last Monday with with Emergent. Feeling guilty about all my unfinished work, yet not spending the extra time it takes to finish what I can. I took a nap this morning. Washed the sheets, made dinner, walked the dog – twice. On the last of these, through a moonless dark and patchy cool Miller Woods, it occurred to me that I might best help fight climate change by helping organizations who promote women’s education in developing countries. Begetting fewer humans in a way that also helps women succeed. What are some of these organizations?