As I lay awake in the Hampton Inn, pondering the future, the place we’ll live in, the budget, the hosting of friends and family, the unpaid taxes, the rising water, the kids, the biking to work, sunrises over the pond (maybe, depending), the trips to the city, what Andi will do at home, relaxing nights together.

Awoke from a dream wherein SSM + James were practicing this one up (with the breakdown) in front of a large outdoor crowd. Then during cleanup after, scraping chicken breasts from a platter made me see how they’re killed.

From the Phoenix Airport Delta Lounge, farewell to a fantastic 10-year anniversary vacation to Arizona. I woke from a dream this morning that I was punching a trail head location into google maps, setting out with Andi on another hike in Sedona. I will never forget the beauty of that place, or of the Grand Canyon. I also vow to keep the promise made to Andi on our last hike to begin my Buddhist meditation practice, to lessen the anxiety I tend to feel in life’s everyday moments. Especially with Andi’s love, I have every blessing, and want only to enjoy the journey more.

With vacation coming up next week, and a long stint out East coming after that, last night was a chance to hang out with Natalie. She’s just gotten her top teeth braces off and we went to REI and Whole Foods to get dinner from the hot bar. She played some country music in the car but was otherwise pretty quiet. Conversation felt forced, and I don’t know why exactly, though in response to a question about the move, she did say it was what we talked about all the time. When we got home, as I sat down alone at the table, she took her food upstairs.

Originally written January 22. Morning riding the NJ Transit rails to work music.

Last week away from home felt like the longest so far. The disappointment of losing out on 9 Barrien Ave hung over phone calls with Andi while I lugged my suitcase through midtown, to Baltimore, and across unmaintained sidewalks and Dey Road. But I got to see the Vessel on a run, song Karoke in Koreatown, reunite with an old colleague from Emergent, and work with a team in a cramped construction trailer. The best part was coming home and hanging out with Natalie and Andi in the kitchen, and getting word yesterday after brunch at the Klausnitzer’s that a three bedroom apartment in Highland Park was coming available May 26. Whew. Also this week: the Iowa primary ended without a tally, Trump was acquitted by the Senate the day before his State of the Union speech, and temperatures in Antarctica hit a record 65 degrees Fahrenheit.

Friday, January 31 was a big day: Andi found a house (9 Berrien St) in NJ for us to buy, Natalie got accepted into Ross, Brexit took hold at midnight, and the US Senate failed to muster the votes to call more witnesses, effectively ending the impeachment trial. It being the end of the month, we decided to have some drinks and have a celebratory dinner at home. I felt it the next day, managing to get in a five mile run, babysit Trixie, and have a really nice linner with Andi before going home to pack for the trip to the home viewing appointment early this morning, but work I promised myself I’d do did not get done. And it’s not ‘oh well.’ There’s a lot riding on this, and I want so badly to make it amazing. Did I mention Natalie got into Ross?? When she stopped over quick Friday night to pick up something, I told her as she was leaving she was going to conquer worlds for good, and she grinned and said “that’s what I want to do.”

This song came unprompted to my Sunday morning psyche after spending a couple of days in San Jose on an audit this week with Ken Law and Moritz. During the entire time I was gone, Andi was in the hospital recovering from a second round of pancreatitis, which, because it’s sober January, was maybe because a cold virus seemed to have gotten into her every organ. So Nabs and Bruno were taken care of by Debi, who was gracious and helpful as always. After a chill winter Saturday shoveling snow and organizing the study (and getting frozen yogurt with Nabs after dinner and watching Parasite with Andi after that), it’s back to NYC again this afternoon. Go Pack!

Posted the 16th of Jan, written on the 15th

Andi has been sick since at least Jan 5, with crippling sinus pressure and a relentless cough. We said it was a good thing she wasn’t drinking, but next thing you know, this morning she develops a sharp pain that reminds her of pancreatitis, so she checks herself in and is diagnosed with precisely that. She’s been admitted to the hospital, and Deb is coming in tonight to help take care of Bruno while I travel to Mountain View, CA for an audit.

Last night, I was telling Nabs she might find herself as an adult one day asking, “how did my parents endure the grind of decades of work,” and she said she wouldn’t have to worry about it. “There will be wars, there won’t be normal jobs anymore.” I asked her how much she believed that and she said, “more than I’d like to.”

These two songs playing almost simultaneously when I woke up last Monday morning, my first day with Rocket. It was pouring outside and Moritz was kind enough to pick me up at the Hampton Inn for the short drive to our orientation and then to the facility. We got a hard hat tour and even while the metal studs and drywall were going up, it was clear that it will be a really nice facility. But in the meantime, the 11 or so employees there are confined to a construction trailer squatting in the muddy parking lot. I took a NJ Transit train back to New York with the impressive Paul Yarabe and made my way through a crowded Penn Station to the subway. When I emerged onto 3rd St at Washington Sq., the rain had become so torrential that I had to get under a grocery store awning to wait out the worst of the downpour. And then, finally, I was in the AirBnB, a fifth-floor walkup at 40 Macdougal St. The following days were an exhilarating and exhausting blur, especially because I had to burn some midnight oil to re-write their facility qualification plan. But it was incredibly cool to have an access badge to the Empire State Building. Even when clouds shrouded the 75th floor, it was impossible to get used to the view, the skyline changing dramatically with with each passing hour, never quite the same, just like the colors changing on a Great Lake. On Thursday morning, the sun was finally out, clear and cold, so I decided to walk to work. After stopping to pick up some breakfast, I laughed out loud to myself as I crossed 33rd St on the way into the ESB lobby, happy in my work for a change.

When I woke up in our own bed on Saturday morning, it was quiet. I took the puppy into Miller Woods and we had the whole place to ourselves. Crossing Miller back to the house, there wasn’t a single car coming in either direction. The contrast to Manhattan could not have been more stark, and I realized it was different, but not better than Ann Arbor. And that was even before Framily Christmas. On the way there, Andi said she was noticing more and thankful for more of what she observed and it was definitely the same for me. A good condition to strive for, even when not moving.